Title: The Impact of Social Media on Mental Health: A Closer Look at the Negative Effects and Solutions Thesis Statement: The rise of social media usage has led to detrimental effects on mental health, as evidenced by the increasing rates of depression

Needing a better thesis statement 
Include direct quotes instead of paraphrase 
Numbers and solid facts 
Follow counter claim in conclusion 
Take out “this essay will” 
Try to work on really taking control of each paragraph. Citing evidence and using some direct quotes and staying on the topic of the paragraphs topic sentence 
I’ve added two articles if you wanna change the work cited i picked